Suicide

I have long debated whether I should write about the following events or not.  I feel that there is someone who needs to hear this message. This is  the Lord’s testimony of how He kept me in the midst of a concerted demonic attack against my life. Glory belongs to God alone for this.   – Derek

I am approaching this topic as a born-again believer and disciple of Jesus Christ. I am not a doctor nor a psychologist. The only knowledge I profess to have is a spiritual knowledge that comes from study of God’s Word and from fellowship with the Holy Spirit. I am not a professional in the secular sense. I pray that you will read this with a mind to accept that there is a realm that we cannot see hear or feel in the natural world, and yet exists in a very real realm that we cannot see with with our natural eyes.

Suicide is a spirit. It is not a mental illness. It is nothing more than a powerful demonic attack of the enemy. I know this because I almost became one of the sad statistics that show that the average for aboriginal suicides is up to ten times higher than the national average for Canada.

In the fall of 2008 I was living in a small community in Northern Ontario. In the two years prior I had gone through a marriage breakdown, my youngest brother had died from cancer, and my oldest daughter was in a car accident that ended up with her facing auto theft charges, a drunk driving conviction and my SUV totaled.

The best thing, however, that had happened during that time was re-dedicating my life to the Lord Jesus Christ in March 2007. I was faithfully serving the Lord and involved in ministry at the local church. I led worship, volunteered my time to work with the Youth, and was involved in evangelism.

In February 2008, my former in-law’s granddaughter had gone missing. She was found a few days later naked and half-buried under the home of my aunt. It was my own cousin that had violently murdered her. He had bludgeoned her to death and tried to conceal her death by cutting a hole through the floor of their trailer they lived in and attempting to bury her lifeless body. She was dearly loved by my daughters and myself. I had watched her grow up into an intelligent beautiful young woman. And in a moment her flame was extinguished.

I attended the funeral and was torn that my connection to this victimized family was marred by the fact that I represented the family that had violently taken their granddaughter, sister, and niece from them at such a young age. It was a difficult time.

Upon my return from this funeral, cruel and vicious rumours had been spread by members of our church that I was sleeping with one of the youth leaders.  Needless to say, it had been a rough two years.

And now here it was, late fall in 2008, and I was about to enter the darkest, loneliest time of my life.

No one can understand what I am about to describe unless they have been there themselves. No one can understand the feelings of hoplessness, the darkness, and the clouds of despair that encompass you unless they have experienced them firsthand.

There is a cloud that creeps over you and it begins to suffocate you. You feel the darkness surrounding you day after day. You can feel it around you. You can catch glimpses of dark shadows out of the corner of your eye as they mockingly circle around you. Day after day this dark presence thickens and light is slowly squeezed away. Hope fades. Life dims. It is a powerful presence. For those of us who have experienced it, felt it, and fought it; it is terrifying and it is frightening. It has only one purpose — to suffocate you. This is why most will choose to hang themselves. It is a suffocating spirit that slowly begins to choke the life out of you.

Night after night, this spirit would come and spit images of a noose at me. It would suggest the best place to tie the noose. It would show me how the noose should be tied. These images tormented me night after night continually for four weeks. I would try to share this with my brothers and sisters in the Lord and their well-meaning advice would be to pray. Most could not understand this struggle.

I prayed like I had never prayed before. I read the Word like I had never read before. But night after night this demon would come to laugh at me and torment me with these images. Had I been alone, had I not been serving the Lord, I truly believe that I would have succumbed to its vile propositions.

I held on to God with every ounce of strength that I had. I cried with all my heart unto Him to save me. I clung to Him with every fiber of my being. I knew that if I was going to make it through this, it would have to be Him, my Lord Jesus, who would save me from it. He was, and still is, my only hope. He is my Saviour.

One dark and distressful night, I almost lost my faith that He could save me.

During that day, I had called out to God. I had spent time in prayer. I had been reading the Word seeking to hear from God. I desperately needed Him. It is a desperation that every child, man, and woman on the face of this planet should have. Outside of God, we are alone to fight spiritual forces that have influenced the history of man since the very first fall in the Garden of Eden. Satan and his forces are at work on this planet in an attempt to destroy the creation of God. His hatred for the work of God drives him to seek the destruction of every human being on this planet. And without God, we are fighting a battle that we will lose! If you are in a battle for your life right now, and you know that the very forces of darkness are surrounding you at this very moment I want you to know that there is a way out. There is an escape! There is a hope!

Psalm 103: 1- 4
Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits…Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;

It was during this day that I had begun reading Psalm 103. I remember how God had touched me. I had wept when I knew that He was with me even during this time. My Pastor at the time came over to visit me. He was one of the few people who I could trust to describe the ordeal I was going through. I shared with him what the Lord had done for me while I was reading Psalm 103. Considering the torment that I was enduring it was a good day. It was like a small ray of light breaking through the dark storm clouds of my life. It was the calm before the storm.

For four weeks, I was unable to sleep. I would be tormented night after night with the images. Night after night I would lie awake sobbing, praying, crying out to the Lord to help me. Hope had been fading in me. But I would not let go of Jesus. He was the anchor in the midst of this storm. I could trust Him with my life. No matter what the enemy desired to do with me, I knew that Christ would not let me perish.

That night, I was attacked like never before. It became so unbearable, so distressing, so overwhelming that I almost gave in and gave up. It was 3:00 a.m. and there was no one to call upon, except God. I could not sleep. All I could do was cry. I cried and prayed and yet it seemed like all of heaven was shut up to me. But I would not give in to this enemy.  I literally cried for fear that this enemy would overcome me and that by morning I would be found hanging — that I would be found dead.

I was desperate. And I was scared. It seemed like my prayers were not being heard. It seemed like I was alone. It was then that I remembered that there was a phone number, a prayer line, that I could call any time of day or night for prayer. I called the number and told them what was going on. I told the prayer counselor on the other end of the phone how for the past few weeks I had been tormented by these images, by these whispers of death by the enemy. I told  him that at that very moment, I was completely terrified this enemy would overtake me.

He began praying. I sensed nothing. All I could do was just cry out to God to help me. I wept and sobbed into the phone. Tears streamed down my face as I could only whisper, “Help me Jesus.” And then, the most amazing thing happened.

As he prayed, I heard an amazing thing. This man, who was almost 2000 kms from where I was, who knew nothing of me, nor of what I had read that day began reading from the very place that the Lord had spoken to me earlier that day.

As he prayed, the Spirit of God had directed him to pray the words of Psalm 103. I began crying, tears of joy and of release, knowing beyond any shadow of doubt, that God indeed was with me. I was not alone. Jesus, my Lord, my Saviour, He who saved me, and He who loved me was right there with me. Oh how, I loved Him at that moment. I knew that in everything, I did not have to be afraid. For if God is with me, then who can be against me. Hell’s greatest lie is that you are alone. Call on Jesus, He is there waiting on you.

Not many days after, this spirit departed from me. The Word of God declares that evil spirits seek a place to rest. They seek empty “houses” to inhabit. After I had endured this epic demonic struggle, this small northern community experienced an epidemic rash of suicide attempts and 13 successful suicides — all by hanging (see story).  Since this news story was written, there have been at least two other suicides by hanging in the community. This demon is seeking “empty houses” and testing the strength of houses who have been filled with the Spirit of God. Make sure Christian, that your home is built on the Solid Rock, for when the times of testing come, your whole “house” will be shaken to its very core.

Your “house” is your spirit, and it needs to be inhabited by the Spirit of God. For you to truly have life, you must allow the Creator of Life, Jesus Christ, to live in you. You must walk in His Spirit, you must seek His Spirit, and you must be filled and baptized in His Spirit.

Young man, young woman, do not think that your native traditions, nor your willpower is able to stand against this enemy.

There is only one who can defeat this enemy. His name is Jesus.

I pray that you will heed this warning. I pray that you will give your life to the Giver of Life, Jesus Christ. Call on Him in your day of trouble and He will save you.

God Bless you Beloved.

©2010 His Beloved Remnant Ministries

ABORIGINAL SUICIDE RATES – CANADA

Source: Community Health Programs Directorate, First Nations and Inuit Health Branch (2001), Citing: Health Canada (1996), using Health Canada in-house statistics.